better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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