There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
