it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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