You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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