My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Randomize
