WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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