I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
