he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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