question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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