Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Just puked most of my soul out..
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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