cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Too much gin, very little bucket
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
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Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
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So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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