Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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