my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
