I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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