Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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