remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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