Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
