Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
