omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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