Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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