did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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