maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
