How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
