well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
