He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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