Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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