just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
me + whiskey = a bad person
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
