dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Too much gin, very little bucket
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
