I am spending my child support on dildos
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
