I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
