Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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