Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
