Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
