I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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