yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
