I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
