I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
