dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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