Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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