dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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