My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
