im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
