Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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