Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
