remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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