we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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