So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
