If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
