and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
