Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize