So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
