Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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