swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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