walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize