hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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