i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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