You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
