I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Acid is not a monday night drug
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
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