I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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