so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
