You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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