i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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