this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
