he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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