i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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