dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
