i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
