is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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