It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
