That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
