piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
