Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
