I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Randomize
