fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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