DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
