how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
