I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
