Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
