it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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