so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
