i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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