I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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